our will be done, thy kingdom burn.

I only use LiveJournal for reading things now, so if you're interested in reading things about me for some reason, go here:

http://deliciouschildren.blogspot.com/

Contemp Lit/Writ: Catrette, Scott	Period: 3
Grade: A+ Score: 99.1% Grade Last Published: 6/3/08 1:13 PM

	Category:		Due Date:	Assignment:	Score:	Percent:	Comment:	Submitted Work:
	Assignment		3/4/08	1st progress participation	34	34 / 40.0 = 85%
	Assignment		3/4/08	Bury the Dead Journal reflection on war & killing	6	6 / 6.0 = 100%
	Assignment		4/29/08	The Simpsons: examining satire	21	21 / 24.0 = 87.5%
	Discussion		2/8/08	School of Shock article	12	12 / 12.0 = 100%
	Discussion		4/28/08	Class Participation as of 4/25	33	33 / 40.0 = 82.5%
	Homework		1/17/08	Bury the Dead Response Question	8	8 / 8.0 = 100%
	Homework		1/28/08	1960s documentary questions	12	12 / 12.0 = 100%
	Homework		1/31/08	Jumping Mouse questions	14	14 / 14.0 = 100%
	Homework		5/9/08	"People Like Us" postmodernism and diversity	8	8 / 8.0 = 100%
	Homework		5/14/08	Technology in a postmodern society reflection	7	7 / 8.0 = 87.5%
	Project		5/5/08	Postmodern Extra Credit Presentations	38	-
	Quiz		1/22/08	Cuckoo's Nest Reading Quiz#1	14	14 / 20.0 = 70%
	Quiz		1/28/08	Cuckoo's Nest Reading Quiz#2	16	16 / 16.0 = 100%
	Quiz		2/14/08	Freudian Term Quiz	51	51 / 55.0 = 92.73%
	Quiz		2/26/08	Cuckoo's Nest Reading Quiz#3	20	20 / 22.0 = 90.91%
	Quiz		5/9/08	Postmodernism Quiz	36	36 / 48.0 = 75%

Yesterday was my last rally setup.
Today was my last rally poster making.
Today was also my last rally.
Today was my last (and also second) last dance. Oh man. Oh man. Except the DJ sucked my balls. And I don't even have balls! Story. Rynell was playing a LOT of techno, and people don't like to dance to techno that much. Helena was like go talk to the DJ, so I was like sure, homie, I will. I am tired of dancing. So I did. The following is what occured during my conversation (I don't really remember the exact wording but it went something like this):
Paulina (P for short): Can you play more rap?
Rynell AKA DJ Showbiz (R for short): What am I playing right now? What am I playing right now?
P: Rap and techno.
R: What should I play?
P: MORE RAP. JUST BECAUSE WE ARE ASIAN DOES NOT MEAN WE ENJOY THIS MUCH TECHNO!
R: Hey, hey, I'm not playing this because you're Asian. We're all people here. We're all people here. I'm black and you're Asian.
P: MOAR RAPZ PLZ, BYE!!! (dances away while losing brain cells over being baffled about exactly what just happened)
R: WHERE MY LADIES AT? WHERE MY LADIES AT? LET ME HEAR YOU MAKE SOME NOISE! SHOUT OUT TO THE SENIORS! WHERE MY LADIES AT? LET ME HEAR YOU MAKE SOME NOISE! PUT YOUR HANDS UP! WHERE MY LADIES AT?
</end conversation>

I am exactly two weeks away from no longer being a high school student. At this time in two weeks, I will be at Senior All Night Party, having graduated several hours prior. The school year is ending, along with my high school career, for good.
I spent a great deal of time over the past four years hating Monta Vista and wanting to get the hell out of here. And now, I'm on the brink of leaving. It would be a lie to say that I won't miss this place, because I will. It would be a lie to say that this place didn't change me, because it did.
Throughout the past four years, I think I've grown into myself, and someone I--if I were someone else--can look at and admire. Though others may not agree with the last part of that statement, it is something I say with pride.
I'm trying to find some way to incorporate Leadership into this because it has been the catalyst for this change. And those who have been with me in Leadership (or even when I wasn't in Leadership freshman year) can definitely see the change. I've grown. I went from an antisocial Asian girl into the Gore Princess, 08 Social Manager & Homecoming Princess.
Leadership taught me how to find a way to be myself and to accept myself, but to still find a way to function properly in society. And it sounds like a somewhat contradictory statement, but it holds true. (I don't know if I'm making any sense.) Through Leadership, I found how to make myself fit in without compromising who I am. Through Leadership, I developed a sense of pride and passion in something I considered myself to be disconnected from. And most of all, through Leadership, I learned how to use myself to my advantage to bring a different perspective to the table, and that is something I value more than anything.
This year, one of my goals was to find my place in this class. I'm loud, abrasive, sometimes obnoxious, definitely awkward, and METAL. Coming into the position of a staff relations comissioner, I thought of that, and of myself, in a negative light. Leaving as an elected class officer, I embrace what I used to try to hide and hate. I might not be your average Leadership student, or even your average person. You may or may not like me, but I like myself. I've found that balance that I could never have achieved without Monta Vista and its Leadership class. So... I didn't think I would ever be saying this, but thanks, MV.

PS - I'm tired. Sorry if this doesn't make sense. It makes sense to me.

Check out my super rad, postmodern, fragmented, ridiculous music video. Guaranteed to make you lol.

Let me take this moment to bask in the glory that is my A- in Statistics Advanced Placement. Before you go off calling me dumb because, oh, it's just Stats. I struggle a lot with math, and it's something that I actually need to be taught. Someone needs to go over all the material and explain it before I understand it and can start to apply it. My teacher does NOT teach. At all. So I've been teaching myself. And struggling. A lot. Even though it's just stats. But now, I have an A- for my efforts for the past few weeks, and I'm proud. So I'm going to post it everywhere and bask in the glory that is my A fucking - in Stats. Until it goes down after the quiz on Friday.

I have a lot of repressed anger, frustration and hate, and it makes me angry (LOL).
I honestly don't give a fuck about many people anymore, and if you happen to fall into that path of rage, well, sucks for you. You can go fuck yourself.
I'm so fucking sick of everyone's stupid bullshit. Don't be a fucking piece of fucking shit douchebag, and I won't be a fucking bitch.

Fuck everyone and their stupid bullshit.

tomorrow is the day i've revolved my life around for the past 6 weeks. hooray. MV08 is amazing!

I know everyone knows that I'm the One & Only Gore Princess, etc., etc. but somehow it's completely, totally official, except I have something else to add to my title. Paulina the One & Only Gore HOMECOMING 2007 princess :). Tchyeahhhh. I got voted onto court!

Ten to fifteen hours later, my first project for my photoshop for dumbasses class is done. :)

So I'm pretty much fucking myself over with this, but I'm pretty confident that I'm not going to go spiralling into the ground like the last time I felt this way towards someone.

I forgot what it felt like to have butterflies in your stomach. I forgot what it felt like to have it feel as if your heart stopped beating and you're trying not to breathe out of fear of losing the moment. I forgot how amazing this could be when you're with someone who feels the same way you do; has respect for you; who doesn't see you as someone to pump and dump; who loves you just the way you are, quirks and everything.

I am blown away.

All I have to say is… so much <3. I'm completely blown away, swept off my feet, etc. and out of my stupid ten thousand month rut.

This summer will be so amazing, even if it’s only going to be for a few days. I'm so anxious, but so very excited. 
I'm half hoping that the dates I picked previously work out, but alsohalf hoping that I will have to push it back a week so I can hit up Summer Slaughter in either Oregon or Washington and go out.

One month.
I cannot wait.
It can only be amazing after these past couple of months.

It's been a pretty awesome weekend. Well, for the most part. Well, mainly today & last night.

SAT II's were killer. Sort of. I kicked ass on the bio one, and got my butt rapes on the math 2c one.

Regional championships pool play yesterday went alright. I believe we won two, lost one. Today, we won three, lost one. And we beat that fucking Sierra Nevada team twice. Yesss.

Nekrogoblikon was fucking amazingggggggg. I was so scared that I wasn't going to be able to make it to the show, so I ran from the last match we played to the car. Changed super lightning speed fast while my mom was driving. Arrived EARLY all smelly, gross, disheveled and whatnot (ie. pockets sticking out, underwear hanging out of my pants somehow, hair a mess, etc.). Opened with "Goblin Island", then setlist was as follows, "Army of Goblins", "Goblins are Better than Trolls", "In the Hall of the Goblin King", "Goblins Ahoy!" andddd um, "They Came from Space". (I think?) Something like that. Yeah. Spent $8 in change on goblin stickers & pins. Yeah. Hahaha, my original method of getting into the show, but then I arrived way late so it was free! Hoorayyy! And that's all I really have to say about that for now.

Shower time & then stress time, yo.
Toodles.

Fucking six hundred ninety one million miles away. Maybe not millions, but it feels like it.
I do not even know.
This is killing me.
Sucks to be you lololol. Fuckin' 691.

Do not know what to do. Do not know what to say. There is nothing I can say. Once again, all words slip from my grasp and I am left stuttering like a moron as all my thoughts build up.
There is so much I want to tell you, but I can't. Not appropriate and it hurts you too.

I hate 691.
And I'm just contributing to the problem.
Wish there was some way around this because everything would be so damn perfect.

Six hundred ninety one billion light years away.

I realized over the past couple of days that I'm pretty good at putting myself into unrealistic and improbable situations.

*sighs*

Amazed, but at the same time, I'm disappointed. Summer is not all too far away though, and visiting should be pretty kick ass.








Damnit.

May 5th! :)
</busy weekends>